I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
