idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
