textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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