i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
