you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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