I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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