Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
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I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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