I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
