if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
