wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
