Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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