just come out here and I will go home with you...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
