Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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