well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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