so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
