I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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