It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
