btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
