I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
