apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
