never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
