sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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