Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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