you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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