I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
