Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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