I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
