You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she peed on how many people?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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