Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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