I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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