I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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