it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
