Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
