ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
