trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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