wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
