Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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