So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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