it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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