So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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