So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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