I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
