Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
