Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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