I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
