..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
