Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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