ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
