We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
