We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
