i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
