i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
