Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
