dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
