I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
