You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
