We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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