But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
