Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
