my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
