Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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