I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
