I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
