i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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