At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
