I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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