he puts the penis in happiness.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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