I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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