I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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