My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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