Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
