possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
