If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
