Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
