Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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