We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
