$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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