So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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