I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
