Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize