he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Less talking, more tequila
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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