I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
